Fact: there’s no better rank in the Pentagon than that of a Lieutenant. As an LT in the Pentagon you’re something of a unicorn* in that there are more GOFOs (i.e., General Officer/Flag Officers) than there are LT’s in the building. Your so junior that virtually nothing is expected of you, and power and access so concentrated upwards in the food chain that difficult tasks and projects stay squarely in the upper O5/O6 echelon. No one is ever pressing for solutions from LT Whathisname. You are invisible. You’re not even responsible enough to make coffee.So as a young lieutenant I had plenty of time to ponder the absurdities, catch-22s, and eccentricities of the Pentagon. I captured much of the Pentagon vocabulary with my Pentagonisms of the Week (POTW) posts in which I examined overwrought terms like “reaching out”, “circle the wagons”, “bandwidth”, or (ugh) “missionary work.” I even attempted to capture the humorous protesters one would encounter near the Pentagon entrance during the week with my Protester of the Week posts (also using the acronym POTW)--looking back at these posts, I was much snarkier in my youth. Ultimately I was bemused by the target audience the protesters chose, after all “the LTs through CAPTs using the Metro entrance aren’t influencing anyone beyond how much cream or coffee a Flag officer should have in his/her coffee that morning.”
All that to say, Mcinnis’ razor sharp, satirical story of a young, idealist, peacenik PhD’s foray into the Pentagon brought me back to my days inside the 5-sided torture chamber! “The Heart of War: Misadventures in the Pentagon” is a novel about one woman’s evolution? from skeptic to true (ish) believer as she discovers that life inside is nothing like she expected. One of the story’s strengths is that despite the building’s bureaucratic bloviations, the narrator Dr. Heather Reilly’s outlook never devolves into the jaded despair that seems to envelope many an officer stuck there for a three year tour. This narrative framing keeps the novel light and entertaining instead of the sad and frustrating tale it might be if a depressed, worn down, wizened colonel authored it. I’ve thought about the emotions this book made me feel for a few days now, and I think one of the strongest ones is that of exhilaration--author Kathleen Mcinnis has given a voice to the experiences, frustrations, battles, and victories to thousands of staff officers in a way that none of us on active duty are able to.
I only had two issues with the book (and to be clear these are just personal ones--hopefully none of us get in the habit of only reading things with which we completely agree): the first being that the narrator probably emerges as a bit more of an idealist than I’d care for. My experience has been that sometimes the system (i.e., the bureaucracy, the organization, the staff) is just flawed and accomplishes virtually nothing of real value--or worse makes things worse. In those cases, you are just trying to survive that tour with your personal relationships intact. My personal opinion is that the default outlook for senior officers is “the mission” or “the calling” to such a degree that they sacrifice everything for it at the expense of their family members. This was case with one of the story’s protagonists Colonel Voight whose wife leaves him but who Dr. Reilly is sure he can get back. After 30 years of relegating his wife to the second tier, I’m not so sure.
I had a mentor early in my career who gave me sage advice: You will be replaced and forgotten. What he meant by that was that no matter how great a staff officer you are, after three years someone will come along and replace you and do the job nearly as well and after her tour no one will even remember your name or the work you did. BUT your children will remember your presence at their lacrosse games and your wife will remember you making her a priority. And those are the people who will be around when you’ve retired from the military. So make career choices and make daily choices that reflect this reality.
And my second and last issue (SPOILER ALERT), why’d the villain have to be a naval officer:)! Everyone knows that Navy always plays the good guys!
*the only bigger unicorn in the Pentagon than a Lieutenant is a warrant officer, I only ever saw one once during my two year tour...and he was disappearing into an unmarked door on the basement level.
Key Takeaways (As you can see in my highlights below, Mcinnis managed to capture so many of the truths one encounters working the Pentagon):
On “bootlegging”: “sending stuff without permission from the higher-ups. It’s what makes this town work. Otherwise we’d never get anything done around here.”
On info memos: “One’s a cover memo. The second tab has the actual talkers.”
“These are written at a third-grade reading level.”
“Yep.”
“You know, Mongolia is a sovereign country. Some people have dedicated their entire careers to understanding Mongolia’s culture, government, and people…
And for whatever reason, everyone’s afraid to send a memo up the chain unless everyone agrees with what’s in there.” “Isn’t that a recipe for getting to the lowest common denominator, policy-wise?”
“Bingo. I’m pretty sure that most of the stuff we send up the chain is utterly unreadable.”
“No wonder we’re so screwed up.”
On pink-on-pink violence: “At first I thought you ladies would be nurturing towards each other. All that talk of women’s empowerment in the workplace, stuff like that. But wow, was I wrong. More often than not, you’re vicious with each other, and I have no idea why. I call it ‘pink-on-pink’ violence.”
On Truth: “Applied to government, all things being equal, the stupidest explanation must be true.”
On Routing Folders for Approval: “We have another problem.” “Of course we do.” “We’ve run out of ‘Tab A’ folders.” “What’s that got to do with anything?” “They’re folder-dividers. And god forbid we send a package up without the proper dividers.”
On Acronyms: “Acronyms?—whatever they are, I have no idea what they mean. ‘Building Partner Capacity?’ ‘MOOTW?’ What is this stuff?”
“You know, I have no idea either. I mean, I’ve heard people say this jargon before. Hell, I’ve even used it. But now that I think about it, nobody’s been able to actually explain it to me. Or, at least, not in a way that makes any sense.”
“All these words, they’re so vague that they’re meaningless.”
“That’s probably intentional,” Voight observed.
“Most things in this building are meaningless jargon,” Pumpkin said. “We have no idea what any of that stuff means either. We just know that the bosses like to say it a lot. Mostly because your bosses on the civilian side of the house like to hear them say it.
On The Suck: “Yep. Embrace the suck. Once you make peace with the fact that the Building will find new and inventive ways to make your life miserable, it gets a lot easier.”
On Colonels in the Pentagon: I’m a full-bird colonel. I’ve commanded an air wing. I don’t want to brag, but it’s generally considered a rank of authority. At least, outside of this god-forsaken place, it is.” “And?” “And this morning she made me carry her purse on the way to the meeting with the Georgians.”
On Army Staff: “I’m pretty sure that designation goes to the Army staff. Now there’s a soul-crushing place. I’m pretty sure their offices are located in the half corridor between the third and fourth rings of hell.”
On Prayers: “We’re here for prayers.” “But Voight, it’s a Friday night. And I’m not religious.” “Doesn’t matter.” “I don’t understand. Did the Australian Embassy somehow become a religious site and I didn’t notice?” “Ha! The Aussies? Never.” “Then what are we—” “‘Prayers’ is what the Aussies call their embassy’s happy hour.
On Voting: “Who votes on politics anymore? Our politics are so screwed up, I don’t know who stands for what.”
See our 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015 and 2014 Reading Lists.
Related reads:
Catch-22
The Nightingale's Song
The War of the Encyclopaedists
The Line of Fire by ADM Crowe
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Redeployment
Key Quotes:
Kindle Location: 202
through the next set of security barriers and off to their offices in the great governmental beyond, I realized that I was standing in the center of bureaucratic purgatory.
Location: 338
“That’s it. That’s what these offices are like. An advent calendar. You never really know what’s behind each door unless you go in. There’s one around here that the fighter pilots turned into a man cave. Complete with a keg and an Xbox.”
Location: 1,112
“Apparently not. Which is frustrating. And the reports that my contacts in the State Department have been bootlegging me? They aren’t sticking.”
Location: 1,114
But what I was actually referring to is sending stuff without permission from the higher-ups. It’s what makes this town work. Otherwise we’d never get anything done around here.”
Location: 1,578
“Not quite, but close. One’s a cover memo. The second tab has the actual talkers.” “These are written at a third-grade reading level.” “Yep.” “You know, Mongolia is a sovereign country. Some people have dedicated their entire careers to understanding Mongolia’s culture, government, and people.”
Location: 1,587
their stamp on stuff. And for whatever reason, everyone’s afraid to send a memo up the chain unless everyone agrees with what’s in there.” “Isn’t that a recipe for getting to the lowest common denominator, policy-wise?” “Bingo. I’m pretty sure that most of the stuff we send up the chain is utterly unreadable.” “No wonder we’re so screwed up.”
Location: 1,664
“Really. Which, by the way, is something that we’ve gotta fix, in my opinion. But I digress. At first I thought you ladies would be nurturing towards each other. All that talk of women’s empowerment in the workplace, stuff like that. But wow, was I wrong. More often than not, you’re vicious with each other, and I have no idea why. I call it ‘pink-on-pink’ violence.”
Location: 1,747
must be true.” “Right. Applied to government, all things being equal, the stupidest explanation must be true.”
Location: 1,874
privilege of exposing myself to this idiocy. Speaking of, we have another problem.” “Of course we do.” “We’ve run out of ‘Tab A’ folders.” “What’s that got to do with anything?” “They’re folder-dividers. And god forbid we send a package up without the proper dividers.”
Location: 1,985
“Because I have no idea what half of these—words? Acronyms?—whatever they are, I have no idea what they mean. ‘Building Partner Capacity?’ ‘MOOTW?’ What is this stuff?” “You know, I have no idea either. I mean, I’ve heard people say this jargon before. Hell, I’ve even used it. But now that I think about it, nobody’s been able to actually explain it to me. Or, at least, not in a way that makes any sense.” “All these words, they’re so vague that they’re meaningless.” “That’s probably intentional,” Voight observed.
Location: 1,996
“So tell me: Why do we need to talk to the Joint Staff? Can’t we take care of this without them?” “Well, my dear Dr. Reilly, the thing about the Joint Staff is that, unlike OSD, their different sections actually talk to each other, rather than hoard information like it’s leprechaun gold.”
Location: 2,028
“Most things in this building are meaningless jargon,” Pumpkin said. “We have no idea what any of that stuff means either. We just know that the bosses like to say it a lot. Mostly because your bosses on the civilian side of the house like to hear them say it. We’re good to let you guys spin up, changing ‘happy’ to ‘glad’ and having fights about the definition of ‘is.’ It keeps you Policy guys busy. And the busier you are, the less likely it is that you’ll do something that affects our equities.”
Location: 2,037
“You know how it works up there,” Voight said. “Information flows up, not down. If we rely on our bosses to tell us anything, it’ll be at least a week and a half before we have a clue what happened.”
Location: 2,060
“Good to go,” I said after correcting the mistake. I sat back in my chair. Afghanistan was falling apart, but I’d spent the morning chasing after information my boss probably should have told me, on an issue that seemed to pale in comparison to the Islamic State trying to take over another country.
Location: 2,109
“Yep. Embrace the suck. Once you make peace with the fact that the Building will find new and inventive ways to make your life miserable, it gets a lot easier.”
Location: 2,348
The National Military Command Center was one of the most important places in the entire Department of Defense. If the Joint Staff was the backbone of the U.S. military, the NMCC was its brain.
Location: 2,367
The only difference between this office and every other in the Pentagon that I’d seen so far was that the men and women in the NMCC had darker circles under their eyes, paler skin, and deeper grimaces etched on their faces. It was as if the NMCC was turning everyone into their own personal versions of Gollum.
Location: 2,550
“Let me put it this way. I’m a full-bird colonel. I’ve commanded an air wing. I don’t want to brag, but it’s generally considered a rank of authority. At least, outside of this god-forsaken place, it is.” “And?” “And this morning she made me carry her purse on the way to the meeting with the Georgians.”
Location: 2,584
“We’re here for prayers.” “But Voight, it’s a Friday night. And I’m not religious.” “Doesn’t matter.” “I don’t understand. Did the Australian Embassy somehow become a religious site and I didn’t notice?” “Ha! The Aussies? Never.” “Then what are we—” “‘Prayers’ is what the Aussies call their embassy’s happy hour.
Location: 2,611
“Did you know that the British Embassy in Washington was considered a ‘tropical hardship’ posting until the 1970s?”
Location: 2,954
Leg Affairs probably isn’t the worst place in the building to work. I’m pretty sure that designation goes to the Army staff. Now there’s a soul-crushing place. I’m pretty sure their offices are located in the half corridor between the third and fourth rings of hell.”
Location: 2,997
But perhaps the clearest indicator of his status within the Senate: his nearly unobstructed view of the Capitol Building from his office’s large windows.
Location: 3,226
“Well, that too. But I was actually going to say that there are three rules to travelling with the Secretary of Defense.” “Which are?” “One, never miss the convoy. Two, never miss the convoy, and three, never miss the convoy.”
Location: 3,474
“Who votes on politics anymore? Our politics are so screwed up, I don’t know who stands for what.”
Location: 4,506
The Trotsky quote hummed through my mind: “You may not be interested in war, but war is interested in you.”
