Kruse's Keys: Read "How to Stay Married: An Insane Love Story

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This is a laugh out loud, wincingly raw, weepily sad, grind your teeth TMI memoir by a husband and father whose life is torn apart one day when his wife informs him that she wants a divorce and has been cheating on him with their neighbor for the last three years.  To add insult to injury the neighbor is a man who “wears cargo shorts, on purpose."  The book is rife with this brand of biting humor.  But the book's power comes from Key's eventual introspection and self-evaluation as he grapples with where this Christian church going couple's marriage went wrong. 

The author's journey toward self awareness is one that is equal parts humorous and horrific.  As a Christian reader the best parts come from him seeking wisdom through reading through the Bible--it's hilarious in its irreverence and realness--such as this review of some of the Old Testament: “Exodus read like Star Wars: Episode IV—A New Hope and the book of Joshua now felt more like Return of the Jedi, with the addition of extensive real estate transactions.”  The horror comes from the way he and his wife talk to one another (apparently to be funny) with the husband  most at fault in these verbal clashes.  

After numerous ups and downs, the reader will no doubt begin to wonder if the book's title is tongue in cheek or a red herring.  Luckily hope begins to emerge as both Harrison and his wife decide to do the excavation necessary to cut back the callouses of their hearts.  This comes through a combination of therapy and a real Jesus loving church.

On therapy: 

"You pay pros to clean your teeth and replace your brake shoes. Why won’t you pay someone to give your marriage a little more mileage, too?"

On their church:

They hug us. They feed us. We feed them. They feed our children and we feed theirs and they feed Gary when we’re out of town and when they’re out of town, we feed their cats. All we’re doing is feeding each other, basically, with hymns and prayers and sermons thrown in there to remind us why.

Two of the author's observations at the memoir's end perfectly frame the talent and gleaned wisdom of the author:

“Compatibility is an accomplishment of marriage, not a prerequisite.”

“We won’t be traumatizing our children with our divorce. We’ll traumatize them with our marriage, as God intended.”

Caveat:  This is not (was not for me at least) an actual how-to book, I disagreed with many of the takeaways (and language) on the church and marriage but it did serve as a wakeup to never let my wife's and my heart reach the point of needing excavation.  Date nights are important, listening is important, serious introspection is HUGE.  You can see in the memoir that both parties neglected each others "bids" beginning early on after their wedding ceremony.  You can read more about 'bids' in this Atlantic Monthly article "Master's of Love" that is so foot-stompingly good that it is on my yearly re-reading list.