Sunday, August 7, 2016

A Bend in the River: Loved it Because this is one of those novels that immerses you into the life of a person and place (DRC, 1979)

A Bend in the River (DRC)
 























Loved it Because: This is one of those novels that immerses you into the life of a person and place--in this case an Indian Muslim transplant named Salim who wanders from his 'home' on the east coast (of Africa) to the DRC river town of Kisangani during the colonial independence era. As the week passed and I waded deeper into this tale, I found myself thinking about the characters during idle moments--worried about the fate of Salim and Metty as they rode the ups and downs of Mobuto's rule in the growing town.  It's one of those rare books that spreads its tentacles around you, the reader, and refuses to release you.

I came across this novel through a recommendation from a Foreign Area Officer colleague.  I am on a two-year quest to read a work of English fiction on every country in Africa (preferably by an author native to that country--although the 'native' requirement wasn't met in this case).  Naipaul never identifies the town, country, or 'Big Man' ruler by their names but his detailed narrative makes it blatantly apparent as to their identities.  


I am sure that critics like Africa is a Country were not happy to have another foreigner writing about Africa with such a detailed eye but with an author as gifted as Naipaul you'd hope they'd cut him some slack. Positing that only authors native to a country can write about it effectively comes across as not only arrogant but also as selfish.  Case in point, Adichie's recent short story on the Trump family was one of the best pieces of satire on the American political system that I've read in a long time.  


My favorite part of this book, is when Salim discovers how shallow the writing is of Raymond's, the much revered white africanist-turned-presidential confidant-turned visiting lecturer-turned pariah.  As Salim's pores through the academic's articles he sees that his analysis rests almost entirely on reporting from local newspaper articles.  He's a bit flabbergasted as he observes: 

Raymond seemed to have taken them very seriously. I couldn’t get over that, because from my experience on the coast I knew that newspapers in small colonial places told a special kind of truth. They didn’t lie, but they were formal. They handled big people—businessmen, high officials, members of our legislative and executive councils—with respect. They left out a lot of important things—often essential things—that local people would know and gossip about.

The merit and accuracy of local newspapers is a notion that rings incredibly true for anyone who has lived overseas.  Really, what Naipaul is getting at is the difference between perceived and actual/true knowledge.  

He knew so much, had researched so much. He must have spent weeks on each article. But he had less true knowledge of Africa, less feel for it, than Indar or Nazruddin or even Mahesh; he had nothing like Father Huismans’s instinct for the strangeness and wonder of the place. Yet he had made Africa his subject. He had devoted years to those boxes of documents in his study that I had heard about from Indar. Perhaps he had made Africa his subject because he had come to Africa and because he was a scholar, used to working with papers, and had found this place full of new papers.
For any former graduate student this is an especially sweet section as one finds oneself deluged with a shower of reports and studies on tiny segments of people, tribes or times during grad school.  For the reader, this section should be read perhaps as a jab by Naipaul at the academic establishment with which his 'travel writing' no doubt at odds.  Ultimately, the most satisfying part of finishing this story was that it left me with so many questions about the DRC, Mobutu and the ideas of insiders/outsiders within the context of colonization, independence and freedom.  



*One of my Reading Around the Continent books--the full list is here.
**See our 2016, 2015 and 2014 Reading Lists.


For further reading:

A New King for the Congo

For further research:
- DRC and the Big Man (Mobutu)
- Slavery inside Africa
- The Europeanization of African worth/Colonialization influence on African self-worth (stamp of dhow example)
- Differing notions of the past/history and its importance
- Miscerique probat populos et foedera jungi: He approves of the mingling of the people and their bonds of union (motto of Trinidad and Tobago)
- Comparisons with Heart of Darkness
- Treatment of women in Naipaul novels
- Naipaul's other African novels: A Bend in the River, The Masques of Africa: Glimpses of African Belief; In A Free State; Half a Life;  Magic Seeds; 
- Disturbing beating and violence towards Yvette--what's the purpose of this action in the novel?  To make Salim less likable?  Is it emblematic of the author's own attitude toward the fairer sex?























A Bend in the River (Vintage International) by V.S. Naipaul

You have 78 highlighted passages
Last annotated on August 5, 2016
I had treated Zabeth so far as a marchande and a good customer. Now that I knew that in our region she was a person of power, a prophetess, I could never forget it. So the charm worked on me as well.
east coast, and that made the difference. The coast was not truly African. It was an Arab-Indian-Persian-Portuguese place, and we who lived there were really people of the Indian Ocean. True
All that I know of our history and the history of the Indian Ocean I have got from books written by Europeans.


Without Europeans, I feel, all our past would have been washed away, like the scuff marks of fishermen on the beach outside our town.


The slavery of the east coast was not like the slavery of the west coast. No one was shipped off to plantations. Most of the people who left our coast went to Arabian homes as domestic servants. Some became members of the family they had joined; a few became powerful in their own right. To
This was one reason why the trade went on long after it had been outlawed by the European powers; and why, at the time when the Europeans were dealing in one kind of rubber, my grandfather could still occasionally deal in another. This was also the reason why a secret slavery continued on the coast until the other day. The slaves, or the people who might be considered slaves, wanted to remain as they were.


Soon, therefore, the Arabs, or the people who called themselves Arabs, had become indistinguishable from Africans. They barely had an idea of their original civilization. They had the Koran and its laws; they stuck to certain fashions in dress, wore a certain kind of cap, had a special cut of beard; and that was all.


Without that stamp of the dhow I might have taken the dhows for granted. As it was, I learned to look at them.
Note: interesting observation Edit
But the Europeans could do one thing and say something quite different; and they could act in this way because they had an idea of what they owed to their civilization. It was their great advantage over us. 
To be in Africa you have to be strong. We’re not strong. We don’t even have a flag.”


the Arabian energy that had pushed them into Africa had died down at its source, and their power was like the light of a star that travels on after the star itself has become dead.


“Do you know Uganda? A lovely country. Cool, three to four thousand feet up, and people say it’s like Scotland, with the hills.


Rough boards carried the new, roughly lettered names. No one used the new names, because no one particularly cared about them. The wish had only been to get rid of the old, to wipe out the memory of the intruder. It was unnerving, the depth of that African rage, the wish to destroy, regardless of the consequences.


What I had feared would happen on the coast came to pass. There was an uprising; and the Arabs—men almost as African as their servants—had been finally laid low.


father could always claim his child; there were any number of folk sayings that expressed this almost universal African law. 
Yet there was the idea of his importance. It unsettled me—there wasn’t going to be security for anyone in the country—and it unsettled Metty. When you get away from the chiefs and the politicians there is a simple democracy about Africa: everyone is a villager.


But Africa was big. The bush muffled the sound of murder, and the muddy rivers and lakes washed the blood away.


that they are malins” He had used the French word, because the English words he might have used—“wicked,” “mischievous,” “bad-minded”—were not right. The people here were malins the way a dog chasing a lizard was malin, or a cat chasing a bird. The people were malins because they lived with the knowledge of men as prey.


He had the “unfinished” face which I have noticed that certain Europeans—but never Arabs or Persians or Indians—have. In these faces there is a baby-like quality about the cut of the lips and the jut of the forehead. It might be that these people were born prematurely; they seem to have passed through some very early disturbance, way back.


An ancient Roman writer had written that out of Africa there was “always something new”—semper aliquid novi. And when it came to masks and carvings, the words were still literally true. 
He explained the second motto of the town for me—the Latin words carved on the ruined monument near the dock gates: Miscerique probat populos et foedera jungi. “He approves of the mingling of the peoples and their bonds of union”:


At independence the people of our region had gone mad with anger and fear—all the accumulated anger of the colonial period, and every kind of reawakened tribal fear. The people of our region had been much abused, not only by Europeans and Arabs, but also by other Africans; and at independence they had refused to be ruled by the new government in the capital.


Officials and governments right across the continent were engaged in this ivory trade which they themselves had declared illegal. It made smuggling easy; but I was nervous of getting involved, because a government that breaks its own laws can also easily break you.


The farm didn’t materialize. The Chinese or the Taiwanese didn’t turn up to till the land of the new model African farm; the six tractors that some foreign government had given remained in a neat line in the open and rusted, and the grass grew high about them.


He liked being reminded of this, being remembered from so far back. He said, almost smiling, “I cried a lot? I made a lot of noise?”


was homesick, had been homesick for months. But home was hardly a place I could return to. Home was something in my head. It was something I had lost. 


“It will last as long as your President wants it to last. And no one can tell how long that will be. He’s a strange man. He seems to be doing nothing at all, and then he can act like a surgeon. Cutting away some part he doesn’t like.”


And something strange happens if you go back often enough. You stop grieving for the past. You see that the past is something in your mind alone, that it doesn’t exist in real life. You trample on the past, you crush it. In the beginning it is like trampling on a garden. In the end you are just walking on ground. That is the way we have to learn to live now. The past is here.” He touched his heart. “It isn’t there.” And he pointed at the dusty road. 

The Domain had been created by the President; for reasons of his own he had called certain foreigners to live there. For us that was enough; it wasn’t for us to question or look too closely.
But now, being with them in the Domain, which in every way was their resort, and being admitted so easily to their life, their world of bungalows and air conditioners and holiday ease, catching in their educated talk the names of famous cities, I swung the other way and began to see how shut in and shabby and stagnant we in the town would have seemed to them. I began to get some sense of the social excitements of life on the Domain, of people associating in a new way, being more open, less concerned with enemies and danger, more ready to be interested and entertained, looking for the human worth of the other man. On the Domain they had their own way of talking about people and events; they were in touch with the world. To be with them was to have a sense of adventure. I thought of my own life and Metty’s;


foreigners and Africans acted and reacted on one another, and everyone became locked in an idea of glory and newness. Everywhere the President’s photograph looked down at us. In the town, in our shops and in government buildings, it was just the photograph of the President, the ruler, something that had to be there. In the Domain the glory of the President brushed off onto all his new Africans.


but they didn’t ask the really difficult question. Do you know what that is? Whether Africans are peasants. It’s a nonsense question, but big battles are fought about that one.


There was a ritual I went through whenever I had to clear a difficult consignment through the customs. I filled in the declaration form, folded it over five hundred francs, and handed it to the official in charge. He would—as soon as he had got his subordinates out of the room (and they of course knew why they had been asked to leave the room)—check the notes with his eyes alone. The notes would then be taken; the entries on the form would be studied with exaggerated care; and soon he would say, “C’est bien, Mis’ Salim. Vous êtes en ordre.” Neither he nor I would refer to the bank notes. We would talk only about the details on the declaration form, which, correctly filled, correctly approved, would remain as proof of both our correctness. Yet what had lain at the heart of the transaction would be passed over in silence, and would leave no trace in the records.


So, in my talks with Indar about Africa—the purpose of his outfit, the Domain, his anxieties about imported doctrines, the danger to Africa of its very newness, first ideas being caught most securely by new minds as sticky as adhesive tape—I felt


that between us lay some dishonesty, or just an omission, some blank, around which we both had to walk carefully. That omission was our own past, the smashed life of our community. Indar had referred to that at our first meeting that morning in the shop. He said that he had learned to trample on the past. In the beginning it had been like trampling on a garden; later it had become like walking on ground.


The Domain was a hoax. But at the same time it was real, because it was full of serious men (and a few women). Was there a truth outside men? Didn’t men make the truth for themselves? Everything men did or made became real.

Raymond, keeps a low profile, but he runs the whole show here. The President, or the Big Man, as you call him, sent him down here to keep an eye on things. He’s the Big Man’s white man. In all these places there’s someone like that. Raymond’s a historian. They say the President reads everything he writes. That’s the story anyway. Raymond knows more about the country than anyone on earth.”


said to Indar, “Who is the singer?” He said, “Joan Baez. She’s very famous in the States.” “And a millionaire,” Yvette said.



You couldn’t listen to sweet songs about injustice unless you expected justice and received it much of the time.


Do you think we will ever get to know the truth about what has happened in Africa in the last hundred or even fifty years? All the wars, all the rebellions, all the leaders, all the defeats?”



“It was long ago,” Raymond said. “In colonial times. I was teaching at a college in the capital. I was doing my historical work. But of course in those days there was no question of publishing.


What made him unusual—I would even say extraordinary—was the quality of his despair. It wasn’t just a matter of poverty and the lack of opportunity. It went much deeper. And, indeed, to try to look at the world from his point of view was to begin to get a headache yourself.


 ‘I’ve listened to you, and I know that one day the mood of despair will go and you will want to act. What you mustn’t do then is to become involved in politics as they exist. Those clubs and associations are talking shops, debating societies, where Africans posture for Europeans and hope to pass as evolved. They will eat up your passion and destroy your gifts. What I am going to tell you now will sound strange, coming from me. You must join the Defence Force. You won’t rise high, but you will learn a real skill. You will learn about weapons and transport, and you will also learn about men. Once you understand what holds the Defence Force together, you will understand what holds the country together.


That’s the amazing thing about this man of Africa—this flair, this knowledge of what the people need, and when. 


takes an African to rule Africa—the colonial powers never truly understood that. However much the rest of us study Africa, however deep our sympathy, we will remain outsiders.” The young man, sitting now on a mat with his girl, asked,


said to Indar, “What do you think of what Raymond said?” “Raymond tells a story well. But a lot of what he says is true. What he says about the President and ideas is certainly true. The President uses them all and somehow makes them work together. He is the great African chief, and he is also the man of the people. He is the modernizer and he is also the African who has rediscovered his African soul. He’s conservative, revolutionary,


everything. He’s going back to the old ways, and he’s also the man who’s going ahead, the man who’s going to make the country a world power by the year 2000. I don’t know whether he’s done it accidentally or because someone’s been telling him what to do. But the mish-mash works because he keeps on changing, unlike the other guys. He is the soldier who decided to become an old-fashioned chief, and he’s the chief whose mother was a hotel maid. That makes him everything, and he plays up everything. There isn’t anyone in the country who hasn’t heard of that hotel maid mother.”


They did what they could to make room for me, and that is more than any outsider can say for us. It’s a difference in civilization.


There are times when I feel that Africa will simply have its own way—hungry men are hungry men. And that is when I can get very low.


Miscerique probat populos et foedera jungi. I had long since ceased to reflect on the vainglory of the words. The monument had only become part of the market scene on steamer days. Through that crowd we now began to make our way, accompanied by an old man, feebler than either of us, who had taken possession of Ferdinand’s suitcases.


In the name of his dead mother, the hotel maid, “the woman of Africa,” as he called her in his speeches, the President had decided to honour as many women as possible; and he had done so by making them government servants, not always with clear duties.


they don’t reply to your letters, it’s because they don’t want to reply. They’re not going to say yes or no. They’re going to say nothing. But


Women make up half the world; and I thought I had reached the stage where there was nothing in a woman’s nakedness to surprise me. But I felt now as if I was experiencing anew, and seeing a woman for the first time. I was amazed that, obsessed with Yvette as I had been, I had taken so much for granted.


The earlier articles, in the foreign magazines, seemed easier. “Riot at a Football Match,” in an American magazine, was about a race riot in the capital in the 1930s that had led to the formation of the first African political club. “Lost Liberties,” in a Belgian magazine, was about the failure of a missionary scheme, in the late nineteenth century, to buy picked slaves from the Arab slave caravans and resettle them in “liberty villages.”


Raymond seemed to have taken them very seriously. I couldn’t get over that, because from my experience on the coast I knew that newspapers in small colonial places told a special kind of truth. They didn’t lie, but they were formal. They handled big people—businessmen, high officials, members of our legislative and executive councils—with respect. They left out a lot of important things—often essential things—that local people would know and gossip about.


History was something dead and gone, part of the world of our grandfathers, and we didn’t pay too much attention to it; even though, among trading families like ours, there were still vague stories—so vague that they didn’t feel real—of European priests buying slaves cheap from the caravans before they got to the depots on the coast. The Africans (and this was the point of the stories) had been scared out of their skins: they thought the missionaries were buying them in order to eat them.
He knew so much, had researched so much. He must have spent weeks on each article. But he had less true knowledge of Africa, less feel for it, than Indar or Nazruddin or even Mahesh; he had nothing like Father Huismans’s instinct for the strangeness and wonder of the place. Yet he had made Africa his subject. He had devoted years to those boxes of documents in his study that I had heard about from Indar. Perhaps he had made Africa his subject because he had come to Africa and because he was a scholar, used to working with papers, and had found this place full of new papers.


But if women weren’t stupid the world wouldn’t go round.


Our visitors were becoming increasingly critical. They had a lot to say about the cult of the African madonna. Shrines had been set up—and were being set up—in various places connected with the President’s mother, and pilgrimages to these places had been decreed for certain days. We knew about the cult, but in our region we hadn’t seen too much of


So Maximes failed with us. And it must have been so in other parts of the country as well, because shortly after reporting the great demand for the book, the newspapers dropped the subject.


In events around me—like the publication of the President’s book, and the book march—I looked only to see whether the life I had with Yvette was threatened or was going to go on. And the narrower my world became, the more obsessively I lived in it.


Was I possessed by Yvette? Or was I—like Mahesh with his new idea of what he was—possessed by myself, the man I thought I was with Yvette?


In time it would all go; we would both return to our interrupted lives. That was no tragedy. That certainty of the end—even while the boom slackened and my fifteen dropped to fourteen, and Nazruddin and his uprooted family tried to establish themselves in Canada—was my security.


The African language the President had chosen for his speeches was a mixed and simple language, and he simplified it further, making it the language of the drinking booth and the street brawl, converting himself, while he spoke, this man who kept everybody dangling and imitated the etiquette of royalty and the graces of de Gaulle, into the lowest of the low. And that was the attraction of the African language in the President’s mouth. That regal and musical use of the lowest language and the coarsest expressions was what was holding Metty.


them.” It was one of his sayings; it meant that stable relationships were not possible here, that there could only be day-to-day contracts between men, that in a crisis peace was something you had to buy afresh every day. His


She said, “You make me look so good. What will I do without you?” That was a standard courtesy.
Opposites: again this communication by opposites. That woman in the cupboard: that other person outside. That journey out from the Domain: that other journey back. Affection, just before betrayal. And I had been in tears.



said, “Oh, Ali, Ali. Terrible things happened tonight. I spat on her. She made me spit on her.” “People quarrel. After three years a thing doesn’t just end like this.” “Ali, it isn’t that. I couldn’t do anything with her. I didn’t want her, I didn’t want her. That is what I can’t bear. It’s all gone.”


But it was Europe that gave us the descriptive postage stamps that gave us our ideas of what was picturesque about ourselves. It also gave us a new language. Europe no longer


You would say that he felt that money had made him holy. All rich people are like that, I suppose.
understood now why so many of our later visitors at the Domain found our country, and our awe of the President, comic. What I saw on the road from the airport didn’t seem comic, though. I felt it more as a shriek. I had just come from Europe; I had seen the real competition.


They take away your shop. They give it to Citizen Théotime. The President made a speech a fortnight back. He said he was radicalizing and taking away everything from everybody. All foreigners.



Radicalization: two days before, in the capital, I had seen the word in a newspaper headline, but I hadn’t paid attention. I had thought of it as just another word; we had so many. Now I understood that radicalization was the big new event.

The revolution had become”—he fumbled for the word—“un pé pourrie. A little rotten. 


This piece of earth—how many changes had come to it! Forest at a bend in the river, a meeting place, an Arab settlement, a European outpost, a European suburb, a ruin like the ruin of a dead civilization, the glittering Domain of new Africa, and now this.
It’s bad for everybody. That’s the terrible thing. It’s bad for Prosper, bad for the man they gave your shop to, bad for everybody. Nobody’s going anywhere. We’re all going to hell, and every man knows this in his bones. We’re being killed. Nothing has any meaning. That is why everyone is so frantic. Everyone wants to make his money and run away. But where? That is what is driving people mad. They feel they’re losing the place they can run back to. I began to feel the same thing when I was a cadet in the capital. I felt I had been used. I felt I had given myself an education for nothing. I felt I had been fooled. Everything that was given to me was given to me to destroy me. I began to think I wanted to be a child again, to forget books and everything connected with books. The bush runs itself. But there is no place to go to. I’ve been on tour in the villages. It’s a nightmare. All these airfields the man has built, the foreign companies have built—nowhere is safe now.”

Thursday, July 28, 2016

The Jive Talker or How To Get a British Passport: LOVED IT BECAUSE Kambalu is a gifted and funny writer who presents his life (and that of his father--the Jive Talker) as an open book (literally) (Malawi, 2008)

The Jive Talker or How to Get A British Passport (Malawi, 2008)

 (LOVED IT BECAUSE Kambalu is a gifted and funny writer who presents his life (and that of his father--the Jive Talker) as an open book (literally).  Technically, this isn't fiction but this Malawian Banda-era coming-of-age tale sure reads like it.  The book recounts the author's up and down journey toward adulthood and some semblance of success (although I doubt he would qualify it in that manner) and love.  In the tale, the 'jive talker' is the author's hustling alcoholic father who was known to riff bombastically on an encyclopedic range of subjects--a trait that obviously wore off on his son.

The book is at its best when the author is in the jive talking zone--whether that be on the former President Banda, American Rock n Roll, or bush wisdom regarding safari animals...or the efficacy of urine in dental hygiene.  Ultimately, there's not a lot written out there on Malawi, fiction or otherwise, count yourself lucky that you have this 'laugh out loud' gem to enrich yourself!


*One of my Reading Around the Continent books--the full list is here.

My 2016, 2015 and 2014 Reading Lists.

My notes:
p. 52     Jive on Bruce Lee and American Culture
p. 67-8  Jive on Malawi life president Hastings Kamuzu Banda
p.68-9   Jive on safari animals and bush wisdom
p. 73     Background on Tonga ethnic group
p. 74     Background on Yao Ethnic group
p. 112-16 Jive bio of Banda
p. 125   funny bit about washing teeth with urine to keep them healthy
p. 140   funny bit about language and accents
p. 144   "Holyballism is a state of mind" 
p. 146   When Malawians hear classical music they think of a funeral
p. 185   Kamuzu Academy  http://kamuzuacademy.com/
p. 215   crush on the daughter of Tanzanian president--named Salama 
p. 218-27   Jive on the history of rock n roll
p. 221    Bo Diddley's Who Do You Love as the precursor to rap: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MAGoqMZRLB4
p. 246   Banda's fall begins when his human rights record is denounced by visiting Pope John Paul II

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Parenting with Love and Logic: Read it Because You Want To Try a Systematic Approach that Builds Self-Esteem and Teaches Good Decision-Making

Parenting with Love and Logic


READ IT BECAUSE: You want to come up with a systematic approach to raise your kids into adults with healthy self-esteem who have the skills to make wise decisions for themselves.  I will caveat this review by saying that I acknowledge that there's no perfect way to parent and that every child is different.  I haven't tried this method but I have friends who recommend it so I decided to give it a read.  Please note that this is the 2006 updated version of the book.

The fundamental goal of this method is to develop children into adults who have understand consequences and have the skills to make wise decisions.  A secondary goal is to develop parents who can maintain their own sanity/happiness, keep their cool, and model wise behavior for their children.  But who really cares about all that right--what you want to know is the 'how.'

The authors divide your conflict interactions with kids into two broad categories--ones that affect you in some way and those that affect your kids.  Conflict that affects you requires more intervention and that firmer limits be set.  Conflict that affects your children only--that requires a more deft touch where you allow your kids to experience the consequences of a poor decision--WITH EMPATHY.  Those last words are capitalized for a reason--letting a child work through the consequences does not mean that you don't come along side your child in their misery or their discomfort.  Ultimately, these consequences develop an ability in your children to pause and better think through decisions.  As they grow older, the limits that you set for them grow wider and wider.

I am working on a Love and Logic Cheat Sheet but I think what most parents of young toddlers want to know is: how do I deal with temper tantrums?  The author's central thesis is that you can't really control something like a temper tantrum (after all kids are illogical balls of insanity n'est-ce pas) but you can control WHERE they throw a temper tantrum.  They recommend an 'uh-oh song' that is sung in a nice and sincere way as you give your toddler a choice to either walk to their room or be carried.  Then they stay there (with the door opened or closed--their choice) for five minutes (or an age appropriate amount of time) until they can emerge and 'be sweet.'  They note that a child should never be locked or shut in their room unless you are right outside the room listening to them (and there shouldn't be anything they can hurt themselves with in their room).  Anyway, there's  a lot more nuance to this within the wider context of the book

One note that really struck me personally was getting away from being a "drill sergeant parent"--that's a parent that tells and orders instead of modeling and teaching one's kids to make good choices.  Regardless of what I end of thinking of this approach at large, this is a point on which I can work.  Especially as a military service member, my default approach is too often an order: i.e., clean your room, don't touch that, eat your food etc.  Instead of orders, Love and Logic advocate giving child choices that you both can handle and asking them questions instead of orders.  I do this sometimes but not as often as I should/could.

I may write an update in the future on our experience with this method.  There's no one method that's perfect or the total package of course...

My 2016, 2015 and 2014 Reading Lists.

My notes:
p. 23 parenting can manifest itself with the 'wrong' kind of love
p. 23-25 there are 4 types of parenting that can prove problematic for your kids:
  1. Helicopter parents--I hurt so I bail you out
  2. Turbo helicopter parents--I sweep your mistakes under the rug so you can succeed
  3. Drill Sergeant--kids are told everything and never learn to make decisions
  4. Laissez-faire--hands-off parenting
p. 27 L and L strives to develop 'consultant parents' who ask questions, offer choices--options with limits
p. 28 without failure there can be no success
p. 30 enforceable choices
p. 31 Book forcuses on SLOs: Significant Learning Opportunities
p. 32 protection does not always equal caring
p. 33 Let SLOs build your childnre
p. 37 Drill Sgt orders erode a child's self-worth
p. 39 Self-concept (esteem)
  1. I am loved without condition
  2. I have the skills to make decisions
  3. I can take control and be the master of my own destiny
p. 41 Make learning skills fun by focusing on the process--not the end result
p. 45-6 dangers of false praise: instead ask self-evaluation questions
p. 47 Process of building self-esteem
p. 49 Parenting modeling: i.e., The parent must value their own happiness and demonstrate that to the child--the child should not believe they are the center of the universe--this is especially dangerous as they get older
p. 52 You want to develop a child who asks: Can I fix this myself?
p. 54 20% rule for when to let kids try to solve their own problem
p. 54-55 There's a difference problems that just affect the child and those that affect parents
p. 56 The 'uh-oh song' technique for bad behavior/tantrums
p. 57 The 2 central rules of the book:
  1. Set firm limits using enforceable standards without anger, lecturing or threats
  2. when child causes problems, respond with empathy through sadness/sorrow--then hand problem and consequences back to child
p. 58-9 Examples of enforceable standards
p. 60 Delayed consequences are better than arguing: "I love you too much to argue with you about this."
p. 65 Be slow to lecture, don't tell kids what they just learned--let them learn their lesson through the consequences
p. 68 Firm limits build self-esteem
p. 69 Limits are established by the choices offered
p. 74 "fighting" words tell, whereas 'thinking' words do:
  1. what we will allow
  2. what we will do
  3. what we will provide
p. 76 It's important for your kids to test limits because by doing so they can discover that they limits are indeed firm
p. 80 Give away as much control as you can
p. 81 The "V" of love--the base of the V is childhood and the top is adulthood.  The sides of represents the limits which gradually widen with age
p. 83 learning, thinking, eating, bedtime--with these things we can win by giving commands--we do it by modeling
p. 84 There are three rules of control battles
p. 86-7 how to create a 'no-lose' battle
p. 91 once a time limit is established, don't remind them
p. 91-2 don't get/show frustration--kids crave this emotion--immediate reaction phrase is "no problem"
p. 94 no lessons should be given during the child's experiencing of consequences
p. 96 the rule for giving choices
p. 99 you must show empathy when they make the bad choices
p. 103 Imposed consequences must:
  1. enforceable
  2. fit the crime
  3. be laid down firmly in love
p. 110 how to practice love and logic
p. 111 the three E's
  1. Empathy
  2. Experience
  3. Example
p. 112 7 common mistakes
p. 116 If we want kids to have self-control we must model it for them first
p. 123 situations when anger is ok
p. 125-7 Bedtimes
p. 131 Teasing
p. 134 Solving backseat fights
p. 141 Encourage creativity in 2 to 6 year olds--focus more on doing things than watching things
p. 147 only try to control what you can control: for example, you can't make them stop crying, but you can control WHERE they are crying
p. 148-9 9 Discipline rules
p. 170 don't get involved in the kids' fights
p. 179 guidelines for gifts
p. 198 dealing with lies
p. 211 until kindergarter do family cleanups--helping them
p. 221-2 no longer recommend spankings
p. 242 let tantrums happen...control where they happen

Saturday, July 16, 2016

The Sympathizer: Loved It Because You Get to See the Vietnam War From a Totally Different Perspective--that of a North Vietnamese Spy

The Sympathizer

LOVED IT BECAUSE: You get to view the Vietnam War from a totally different perspective--in this case, that of a South Vietnamese officer who is actually an American educated spy for the communist North. And that's just one view--other themes addressed against the backdrop of the war include: poverty, Hollywood "yellow-washing", torture (it's hard work!), love-making and billiards, confession, forgetting and happiness as a zero-sum game in war.

Nguyen is at his most thrilling amidst his astute observations of the culture clashes and melanges between Vietnamese refugees (he draws a sharp distinction that they are NOT immigrants) and American culture. This struggle to not even assimilate--but merely survive--is deftly describe in a page long diatribe in which the author rattles off a laundry lists of  rumor mill failures swirling through their community to include "the politician's wife demoted to cleaning bedpans in a nursing home who one day snapped, attacked her husband with a kitchen knife, then was committed to a mental war," or "the devout Buddhist who spanked his son and was arrested for child abuse in Houston."    But we also she the way the community's triumphs are cherished: "the girl elected President of her high school class in Baton Rouge", or "the boy accepted into Harvard from Fond du Lac."

The Sympathizer is, however, a book about war and loss and forgetting and remembering.  Nguyen wryly notes that, thanks to the Hollywood industrial global superstructure, Vietnam was the first war where the losers got to write the history.  As he notes in his interview (linked below), the average American's impression and views on war are largely influenced by cinema--in this novel we see the particular influence of Apocalypse Now--a movie that the author recalls with marked unease as he transitioned from initially cheering the US soldiers to disheartened silence as his own countrymen were mowed down.  Ultimately, he makes a strong case that Hollywood doesn't make art--it makes propaganda.  Its films are "America's way of softening up the rest of the world, Hollywood relentlessly assaulting the mental defense of the audience with the hit, the smash, the spectacle, the blockbuster, and yes, even the box office bomb."

One of my favorite lines from the book is Nguyen's observation that "men will die for someone who remembers their name"--it is this love, this relationship that drives men in war and in this story's case that drives group of refugee soldiers to return to Vietnam in an attempt to take back their country from the communist victors.  This little known historical foray is the focus of the last third of the book takes the reader full loop as we discover why the entire book is written as a confession.  It is in the meat of this last section that the protagonist grapples with the larger philosophical questions surrounding his role as a spy--particularly the idea of sins of omission--those in which the soldier watched and did nothing.  While the main character doesn't realize it, while his inaction is significant, it's minuscule judged against the backdrop of a life filled with deliberate actions.  As the nameless narrator contemplates death and his desire for even "seven more seconds of obscene bliss" he ultimately come to the conclusion that all humans are driven by a desire for some type of revolution, even a cause as simple as the desire to live.  It's with that sentiment that the author's closes the novel: "We will live!"  The story's potency comes from the fact that the idea of who "we" actually is (i.e., the protagonist's divided identity, the Vietnamese people at large, all people etc.) has become a larger question that must be considered when thinking about this war.

These paragraphs are just one way that novel could be addressed, in my notes below you will see about a dozen other themes that the novel addresses.  Were I teaching a college course on the literature of the Vietnamese war, I would pair this novel with the masterful Matterhorn (my review of it is here) which also delves in the nature of war on a microcosmic level from the view of one educated American soldier.  Then, I would bookend both novels with O'Brien's The Things They Carried--in particular "Sweetheart of Song Tra Bong."  

LOOK OUT: Whenever I read a great book, I instantly yearn for a movie version.  In this case, however, I am not sure that Vietnam is a war that Hollywood's interested in portraying anymore .  But I could see an adaption of this novel that's set in Iraq instead.

For further reading: Check out the transcript from a great interview of the author on NPR's Fresh Air right here.

My 2016, 2015 and 2014 Reading Lists.

NOTES from 2016 paperback version (ISBN: 978-1-4721-5136-0):
p.3 the poor and war
p. 12 "consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds" emerson
p. 15 south vietnamese are the italians of asia
p. 31 vietnamese and lines
p. 37"ready to treat any unmentionables with the pencilin of American goodness"
p. 66 how vietnamese pronounce us cities
p. 67 the lifeblood of vietnam--fish sauce
p. 68-69 culture clashes
p. 74 asian communism and sex
p. 112 the twist as the favorite S. Vietnamese dance song
p. 116 the best kind of truth
p. 120 white as the color of death
p. 129 In vietnam losers write the history
p. 128-9 Hollywood yellow washing
p. 146 boat people
p. 161 torture is hard work
p. 166 Hollywood propaganda and art
p. 180 Vietnamese HATE country music
p. 182-3 American tension between guilt and innocence
p. 194 Asian family trees
p. 202 Vodka and russian novels
p. 214 Men will die for someone who remembers their names
p. 226 sadness, camus and cognac
p. 229 Vietnamese life soundtrack
p. 232 the West invented cleavage
p. 246 Happiness is a zero sum game
p. 230 On never forgetting Saigon
p. 256 billiards and lovemaking
p. 251 Life and losing the war
p. 269 American things he will miss
p. 280 similarities between remaining S. Vietnamese fighters the VC
p. 294 Fearing death and loving life
p. 323 We can never stop confessing
p. 348 He watched and did nothing
p. 359 In communism money trumps all
"We" will live

Saturday, July 9, 2016

Saturday, July 2, 2016

They Are Coming (Zimbabwe): Read it Because You Will Learn About Family in Zimbabwe

Our full 2016 Reading List is here.




They Are Coming (Zimbabwe)

READ IT BECAUSE: You are wanting to read something from Zimbabwe.  But really if you are just going to read one thing from Zimbabwe, I would recommend We Need New Names--my review of it is here (LINK COMING SOON).

Look, this wasn't the best thing I've ever read but it was an important read because it forced me to think of the idea of family outside the normal western version.  In this story's case, a township family struggles as a rebellious daughter joins a local militia before the approaching 2005 parliamentary elections.  So in this case, They are Coming is about the locality of all politics but moreso it's about what it means to grow up amidst uncertainty and violence.

*One of my Reading Around the Continent books--the full list is here.
My 2016, 2015 and 2014 Reading Lists.


KIndle Notes
They are Coming by Chris Mlalazi
You have 6 highlighted passages
Last annotated on April 30, 2016
With the red band around his forehead, and without a shirt, Ambition feels like a WWF champion. He kneels on the slab of rock, the white cloth draped over his small shoulders, its ends in his hands. He has not yet covered his head to pray. The scene before him is too interesting. His mind wanders.
‘When we’re very frightened we can do the impossible.’
In 1977 the war of liberation was escalating. Firefights between the Rhodesian army and the defiant guerrillas became a regular feature of life in rural Zimbabwe.
A warm feeling settled on Thenjwe’s heart when Solomon called her by her totem, but
For the umpteenth time, Ngwenya wonders how so many vendors selling the same produce can make any money.
‘Who is Doctor Martin?’ Ntando whispers. ‘Maybe he’s a doctor in town that Mrs Gumbo visits when she’s not feeling well. He’s probably a white person, because his name is “King”.’ ‘Now I’m going to read an excerpt from Dr Martin Luther King’s speech. “I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice …”’ ‘Her doctor is very good in English,’ Ntando comments. ‘What’s Mississippi?’ ‘Maybe it’s an injection for mararia, but shhh, let’s listen.’

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

The Kafir of Khartala- (Comoros) -The Only Comorian Novel Ever Published?

A note on the title: the origin of the term kafir is an arabic/islamic one.  It's a derogatory term meaning 'unbeliever'.  Takfir is the act/practice of declaring someone else an unbeliever.

It's journey from this term to its usage in parts of mainland Africa began in the 15th century as muslims used it as a general term to describe non-muslim bantus/blacks.  In the 19th and 20th century it developed into its definitively pejorative racist usage in South Africa.

This is all important background because historically the sunni Islamic state of the Union of the Comoros is a country steeped in trans-oceanic trade--it was a hub for ships coming from mainland Africa.  They would stage ships/supplies there while waiting for the weather/crew to depart to India and beyond.  If you go to Comoros today you will find that (generally speaking) the people look black but with Arab eyes and faces (note: that's just my own personal observation, but it speaks to the their location as a trading crossroads).
One more interesting fact on Comoros is that wealth is passed through the female line there.  In previous centuries, with the husbands gone on seafaring voyages, sometimes for years at a time, it became necessary to pass down wealth and property through the women--this tradition has continued to this day.  You can read more about these aspect of Comorian culture in Marriage in Domoni (I've also written a short review of the book here).

The Karif of Khartala


















READ IT IF YOU CAN: Unfortunately, there is no published English version of this novel.  I was only able to read it because I asked for a copy from the professor who had translated it at the University of Vermont.  He was kind enough to send me a word document with his translation.  I discovered this gem through the amazing blog, Reading the World,--you should check it out.

Published in 2000 amidst one of Comoros' many coups, Toihiri has penned a wry, surprisingly racy novel that satires the much of the politics and culture of his home country.  At the heart of the story is a married doctor's affair with a younger French NGO teacher...oh, and the doctor is dying from cancer.  How's that for some potential drama.

The novel is at its best when the author is dissecting the intricacies of Comorian traditions such as "Le Grand Marriage."  This tradition of prodigal financial excess is one that the doctor rebels against--much to the chagrin of most of the island.  The reader has the coveted advantage of seeing the entire ceremony from a local critics eye.  There's a hilarious few pages in which a young local poet performs a "fine speech" in French to the rabid applause and approval of the gathered crowd and esteemed officials.  The only problem is that the majority of people there don't understand French--or they'd realize the poet was speaking absolute gibberish, as well as making some deprecatory remarks about the government ministers.

Ultimately, this isn't haute literature but it's definitely mandatory reading for anyone visiting or working on the islands.


*One of my Reading Around the Continent books--the full list is here.
My 2016, 2015 and 2014 Reading Lists.

Previous Comoros posts:
What it's like to drive in Comoros: A Matador, A Bull, or the Cape
Homesick reminisces for my daughters while flying high above the Indian Ocean
Voyage Aux Comores
'A movie in the making in Comoros' or 'Marooned in Moroni'
Ode to VapoRub